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7 People Share The Worst Dates They’ve Been On And It’s Hilarious

Brace yourselves

https://www.dmarge.com/2016/06/awkward-first-dates.html

If you’ve been in the dating game for a while, then there’s a good chance that you’ve experienced a bad date at some point. If your immediate answer is: “no, all my dates have been fantastic,” then we hate to break it to you, but you may have been the problem at some point.

 

#sorrynotsorry

While we often hear tales of women who have experienced their fair share of miserable and horrible first dates; or favourite: “he burped into my mouth while kissing” – we’ve never stopped to consider that men may have had similar experiences on their first dates too. The twist? These are all blind dates. Here are 7 of the worst blind dates that men have experienced, thanks to Ask Reddit.

RELATED: This Woman Had The Most EPIC Clapback To A Make Co-Worker Who Thought She Didn’t Deserve Her Promotion

 

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1. The Bartender

While we often hear tales of women who have experienced their fair share of miserable and horrible first dates; or favourite: “he burped into my mouth while kissing” – we’ve never stopped to consider that men may have had similar experiences on their first dates too. The twist? These are all blind dates. Here are 12 of the worst blind dates that men have experienced, thanks to Ask Reddit.

Kind of a blind date fail…

I had just come back home from college and was having a night drinking at the local watering hole when I noticed the place had a new bartender. New attractive bartender. Short hair, nice tattoos that were clearly leading to interesting places and an Electric Six shirt. Fuck. Yes.

So I start making a bit of conversation, and much to my surprise, we seem to really hit it off. And not just bartender-is-everyones-best friend-until-they-leave hitting it off, but really cool conversation.

She starts hinting at if I’m seeing anyone, and I say no, and she immediately reaches into her pocket and starts writing something down.

“On top is the number at the apartment, and these are directions. We’re having a party on Wednesday night, and you should come.”

True enough, a phone number and directions.

What would you think?

Wednesday comes and I’m dressed up and ready to impress. I head over to her place, knock on the door and there she is, looking amazing. She smiles and hugs me, grabs me by the hand and drangs me through the party until she gets to this big dude.

“Jonas, this is my roommate Jeff. Jeff, this is Jonas.”

I do the whole pleasantry thing, but when I turn around, she’s gone. I mean, poof. Gone. Like Batman.

Not knowing anyone else, I just keep on talking to Jeff. Seems like a good guy.

Suddenly he stops me mid sentence and says,”You’re not gay, are you?”

“No?”

“You should really tell Liz that.”

She had apparently set up the entire part as an excuse to hook me up with her roommate. I had been on a blind date with a dude and didn’t even know.

 

2. The Closet of Narnia

I got set up with the daughter of one of my parents’ friends. I wasn’t really looking forward to it, but I was on break from college, and she apparently went to school not far from me, so it wasn’t like a lost-cause summer romance type thing. They showed me pictures and said nice things about her.

I picked her up from her parent’s place (we were both home for the summer) and was a little surprised by how pretty she was; the pictures had been from when she was in high school, and didn’t do her justice. The date was dinner and a movie. Dinner went really well; we had a lot in common, she was very grounded and down-to-earth, cared about the environment. If I have a type, she was it.

So as we’re walking to the movie theater, I slipped my arm around her waist. She pushed me away and got all serious. “I’m really sorry, because you seem like a nice guy, but … I’m a lesbian. I just went out with you to make my parents happy.”

Sitting through TheChronicles of Narnia with her was the most awkward two hours of my life.

3. Beer & E-Coli:

I wasn’t feeling great, but decided to meet anyway. we met at a Belgian beer bar. She was gorgeous, fun and totally in to me. I felt a gas pain, so I leaned forward slightly to quietly relieve the pressure. I completely and explosively shat myself. The odor was immediate. I excused myself to the bathroom, but the damage was too great. I walked out of the bathroom, muddy-panted, out of the bar, and boarded the train home.

The date was nothing compared to the horror of the following three weeks recovering from  E-coli.

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4. Happy Ending

I was set up with a friend of my roommate’s girlfriend. Let’s call the date “Lisa” and lets call the roomy’s gf “Karen”. I knew what she looked like so I knew there was an attraction but I had never spoken with her.

We met outside of the restaurant and Lisa was on her cell phone. I figured it must of been important but as we walked in and waited for the table she kept talking about stupid crap- clearly on the phone with a BFF about nonsense. She gets off the phone, doesn’t apologize and we get seated.

About 2 minutes later her phone rings again and it is the same “OMG, No Way!” crap conversations. The waitress comes over and we order drinks…while she is still on the phone and I twiddle my thumbs. The drinks come, Lisa is still on the phone…. I’m 1/2 done my drink and have waved the waitress off once already because Lisa is still on the phone.

Finally about 20 minutes into it I quietly stand up, take $20 out of my wallet and walk out without saying a word. As I’m walking out I see Lisa’s eyes widen to the size of dinner plates, her mouth open wide and her face turning red in embarrassment (all of the surrounding tables had seen what transpired and were whispering to themselves about it)

By the time I got home, my date Lisa was on the phone with Karen who was over at our house at the time. It didn’t occur to me until now that my date was probably on the phone with Karen the whole time!

Karen was pissed. As soon as I walked through the door she started attacking me with “You are such an asshole, why would you just leave her there and not say anything!?!?”

I looked her dead in the eyes and calmly replied “I didn’t want to interrupt such an important phone call” and then walked into my room and went to bed. As I was leaving the living room I noticed the same expression on her face that Lisa had when I left the restaurant.

SIDE NOTE: fast-forward about 6 months and Lisa and I wound up being fuck buddies for a while, so everyone won in the end.

 

5. Awkward Encouter

A year and change ago, I had just gotten out of a bad relationship that I had broken off. I’m a driven person, and my work is what drives me. The relationship wasn’t great, so I wasn’t that torn up about having to end it. Several of my friends who don’t know me that well assumed that I was super depressed, because I wasn’t partying and going out as much as I normally do. In reality I just had a HUGE grant proposal to work on, which is a real pain in the ass and takes a lot of time.

The relationship I had been in wasn’t serious, and it was only for a month-ish “unofficially” so it really wasn’t a big deal. She’s a weird one, so I was in the middle of introducing her to my extended friend circle when things broke off.

My friends came up with this whole plan of meeting me somewhere, and then not showing up. They in fact had set me up with a blind date, and called me right when I was outside the sushi joint. After getting angry, I figured what the hell, why not go in and share a meal with a stranger, what could happen, right?

Imagine my surprise, when the girl I had just broken up with was sitting there waiting for me

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6. Face First

True story. Not so much a bad date, but a date that never started.

I was living in Japan, teaching English. I didn’t know anyone really so I turned to the internet to meet people. Blah blah got a date. We decide to meet near a train station (we lived close by) and go into town for coffee and to kick it. She tells me what she will be wearing and that she has a bright green moped. I tell her I’ll be wearing a red hat. I see her rolling up on this bright green moped. She sees me, we lock eyes and smile and wave. She then eats shit real hard face first in front of the 100s of people at this busy train station. I kinda jog up to see if she’s ok… but she picks up her moped… looking all embarrassed and just rides off. Never heard from her again.

 

7. Mind Altering Experience 

I once went on a date with a girl and this is how the conversation went.

Her: “So whats your favorite book?” Me: “Tough, but when I was little I LOVED Jurassic Park” Her: “Yuck, Jurassic Park” Me: “The book or the movie? EVERYBODY loves Jurassic PARK!” Her: “I don’t believe in dinosaurs” Me: “Fossils?!??!??!” Her: “I don’t want to get into it but I think fossils are bullshit”

I ended the conversation there and held onto the night. Until later on she told me, “I don’t believe in outer space” and my head fucking exploded.

 

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Let us know which one was your favourite If you have any horrible first date experiences, be sure to share them in the comments!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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7 People Share The Worst Dates They’ve Been On And It’s Hilarious